Insults With Class

Growing up in Virginia, I often heard stories about verbal jousting between Sir Winston Churchill and Lady Astor, who was also born in Virginia. One of the most memorable is the following:

Lady Astor: “If you were my husband, I’d give you poison.”
Sir Winston: “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

Amusing, but not likely true. Of course, that hasn’t kept me from repeating the story over the years. After using it yet again at a recent get-together, I thought it might be fun to catalog other insults with class.

Here’s the best of what I found…

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
– Winston Churchill (source)

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
– Clarence Darrow (source)

“I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed.”
– Abby Buchanan Longstreet (source)

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
– Oscar Wilde (source)

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
– popularized by Mae West (source)

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
– attributed incorrectly to Groucho Marx (source)

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
– attributed to Samuel Johnson (unverified)

“I never forgot the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying.”
– Origin unknown

I don’t think I’d ever have the gumption to use any of these in real life but there are certainly times I’ve been tempted. If you ever find yourself in need a classy insult in a work situation, here’s my favorite:

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts… for support rather than illumination.”
– Andrew Lang (source)

I’m not recommending you use any of these but they certainly are insults with class.

What classy insult did I forget to include?